Laugh to keep from crying

Everyone knows the best way to handle their own problems. It is a tradition in my family to laugh at the sad situations of life, the famous "laugh to keep from crying."  To us, it is easier to solve our problems when we do not take things so seriously, laughing at ourselves instead.

That’s how it works: we do not talk about our relative’s traumatic experiences at first, out of respect. But, as soon as the person involved in the story gets used to it, we ignore his or her feelings and it becomes the laughing stock at family gatherings: one of my cousins who went to a carnival ball wearing a huge bird head and turned out to be the only person at the ball wearing a costume; another one who had a terrible fever after being booed at a catastrophic school presentation. Even the most tragic stories are not forgiven, and become part of the family folklore.

One of the saddest stories happened to one of my aunts when she moved to Manaus, in the early 80s. She had just moved into the city and was feeling very lonely. Trying to make new friends, she decided to throw a party to celebrate her birthday and invited the entire neighborhood. She prepared everything carefully, cooked tasty delicacies, baked a cake and got dressed up for the occasion.

At seven o’clock, the guests started to show up at her house and like famished grasshoppers started attacking all the food she had prepared. Among the guests there were a lot of uninvited people who had come with people they knew, but didn’t know my aunt Vânia.  Not only did they eat as much as they could but took the rest of the food with them. My poor aunt did not get a single birthday present. She just stayed there, watching them devour everything.

This story came to my mind because I celebrated my birthday in Belo Horizonte last week and it was terrific. A lot of my friends and my whole family came to my mother’s to see me and we all had a great time. The success of my birthday party in BH inspired me to celebrate it in São José dos Campos, the city where I have lived for some time.

I’ve been doing my best to adapt to São José, trying not to stick to my memories from BH. Throwing a birthday party here was a way for me to get closer to people, to create a stronger bond with the city. So I invited my closest friends, prepared nice food, baked a cake and anxiously waited for my guests. It was going to be the best party ever! The problem was that only four of my new friends showed up, and as I had moved the furniture around to make room for more people, the living-room looked even emptier…

My aunt and I had been caught by the same trap. We moved into a new town believing that in a few months we would be able to build new friendships, forgetting that this is something that takes time. After my unsuccessful birthday party in São José dos Campos, a new family riddle was proposed: is it better to have a party crowded with people who do not care for you or an empty one?

I do not have an answer for this question, but if in the 80s we had social networks like Facebook my aunt Vânia could have posted a photo of her crowded party with a caption: “awesome party!!” As for my birthday party in São José, I would not be able to post any photos, but at least I know that the few guests who were there really cared about me. And as a bonus, I could eat chocolate cake for a week!